Leah Kristie Dixon, Copyright 2021
Marriage counseling—especially the initial sessions—can often be highly-charged. There is deeply-rooted misunderstanding. Both people want to be heard and validated. Both are hurting, and it is difficult to find a way forward. Sound familiar?
While completing my Masters coursework, I took a class on marriage counseling that incorporated principles from the Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) approach. A key idea in EFT is to help couples in crisis start to talk about their fears and longings. These very vulnerable subjects can shift the conversation from defensiveness and accusation to humanness and connection. Of course, the wounds, unhealthy relational patterns, and sins against one another are not healed instantly, but couples have a place to begin reconnecting.
In light of the painful divisions within our nation, our communities, and our families, I have been wondering whether these questions can help us build bridges:
What are you longing for? What are you afraid of?
Everyone has fears. Everyone has longings. And pursuing one another with a benevolent heart can often help us relate deeply to those whom we struggle to understand. Must we validate everyone’s opinions? Of course not. Will this course of action change someone’s mind? That is not the point. This exercise is meant to give us a place to begin.
As we grapple to move forward as a nation, let us give one another the gifts of full attention, attentive listening, and non-judgmental pursuit.