Marriage counseling—especially the initial sessions—can often be highly-charged. There is deeply-rooted misunderstanding. Both people want to be heard and validated. Both are hurting, and it is difficult to find a way forward. Sound familiar?

While completing my Masters coursework, I took a class on marriage counseling that incorporated principles from the Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) approach. A key idea in EFT is to help couples in crisis start to talk about their fears and longings. These very vulnerable subjects can shift the conversation from defensiveness and accusation to humanness and connection.